i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
