i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
