I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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