I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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