I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
