i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
