ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
