Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
