My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This house was built for laser tag.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
