sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize