Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
