dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
