I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
