My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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