Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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