This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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