good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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