is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
