I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
