New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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