the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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