If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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