so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
