I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
