Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
