He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize