Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
