I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's blow job season.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
