How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
