I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
