kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
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bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
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He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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