He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
