A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
