My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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