You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
