sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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