Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
