We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
