Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
