So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
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So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
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Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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