what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
