ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
