my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
