i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
