I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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