i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
