How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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