it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
