i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
