Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
