Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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