It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
