I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
