i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
