i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
