After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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