Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
