your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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