Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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