do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
