your room smells of hookers.
And success
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
