Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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