I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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