then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
