one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
