Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
