a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
