I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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