Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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