You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
