we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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